Little girl and the cookie jar experiment

I am reading an interesting book...called "Stumbling on Happiness". A lot of the information in the book is not new for me as much as it is from a new perspective. It has a very scientific feel!!! The book is trying to answer one central question...Why is it so difficult to accurately predict future happiness? We often find ourselves in the exact spot we imagined but without the feeling of happiness we imagined or a lesser degree than we imagined. To answer this question the author takes an indepth look at how our brains work or dont work when it comes to imagining the future. He explains the difficulty with abstract things like happiness. Happiness is highly subjective. It all depends on our interpertation, our interpertation, depends on our experiences and our experiences are as varied as lotto numbers. Not to mention we operate in a closed environment. What i mean by that is that my brain, my experiences, my imagination, my everything inside my head is closed off to everyone elses heads. I have been toying around with this idea for a while now in my own way. In my opnion this is the single greatest source of conflict among humans. We assume everyone sees the world the way we do!!! There is conflict when people dont see it my way and there is harmony when they do (but that only occurs in my mind) The unfairness is that others cannot know fully what i see in my world, and vise versa. By unfair i mean i cannot hold anyone to my world if they are unaware and i should not be held to someone elses either(again this is how i see it).
The book offers this simple example to illustrate the point (children are great guine pigs because they are so new to life). The experiment is with two little girls, both playing with toys in a room. There is a jar of cookies in the room. One of the little girls is taken out of the room. While she is away, the psycologist takes a cookie from the jar and hides it in the drawer. The little girl is brought back into the room. The girl that was in the room the whole time is asked does the other little girl know where the cookie is? She replied yes. She believed the other little girl had the same information she had dispite having not been in the room when the cookie transaction took place.
........to be continued

Eating leftovers!!!

I just wrote a facebook message about eating the leftover values of others as opposed to taking the time to find out what it is we like to eat. What makes me happy?? Not, what have i been told will make me happy?
It is a little more difficult to establish your own value system and truely own it.... because you invested time and effort into cultivating it. I look back on my life and see i lacked the knowledge and courage to do such a thing and without those two buddies its hard to move into any sort of change. Ohhhh, but when you find knowledge and courage nothing is impossible (to coin a phrase from the bible).
For me these concepts are not new...i have brought about lots of change in my life as a result of pursuing knowledge...yet my conditioning has veins that run so deep they touch my animal instinct. When things hit you at a primal level all you can do is weather it out....train the mind more...increase intensity...embrace the burn (sounds like a gym workout). Really the thought that calms me more than anything is knowing its all going to turn out fine...it already is fine. Eternity erases everything!!! So scribble on those wall..."make a mess".... clean up the mess... do it all three times again. Its all alright!!!

who is watching you?? part 2

Selfish can easily be redefined to mean "we are our first priority". I think when we come at it from this angle we can see the benifits to embracing our state of "selfishness". For one, when we realize peoples actions against us have nothing to do with us...we are more apt to forgive...maybe investigate into what that person is dealing with. We are less concerned with others opnions. When they are judging us...it isnt us they are judging...it is themselves. Their judgements are based on how we affect them. Or they are superimposing themselves into our situation and using their values or filters to judge the situation. Once we are free from the good opnion of others we are able to be the self we want to be. We are more apt to put our physical, emotional health first, better equipping us to help others. The list goes on....we establish boundries so others dont invade the holy places in our minds, our yes's and no's are stronger, we are more sincere because we cut out the concept of obligation to others.
Daily, on some level, this concept comes into play...especially with relationships. My conditioning is strong but i am learning to be more selfish. haha

who is watching you?? Part 1

I am slowly learning no one is watching me. I am the only one who is concerned about what i do or dont do. And if anyone else is concerned about what i do or dont do; it is only in relation to how it will affect them. We live in bubbles. Its not by choice, it is by definition. We cant get outside ourself (i am still considering this idea though). It is impossible to find a motivation higher than self. Even the most "unselfish" motivation has at its roots us. We will always be the foundation because we are always with ourselves. Whether it is a feeling we desire, an outcome, social praise, physical preservation, sense of right/wrong....we are the ultimate benificary of the action. Sure others will possibly benifit (feeding the homeless, building schools in africa, adopting a baby monkey) but in the end we satisified ourself. I have always assumed or been conditioned to thinking that selfless acts were better than selfish acts...i now think they are one in the same. Even when i read the word selfish i have negative associations, but what are we really saying when we call someone selfish? You are so so selfish. In other words, i do not like your actions because you put yourself before me (or others, but we consider ourself an other)!!!!! Who is selfish in this scenario? We are ego driven and 100% of the time selfish. Hence the human drama.

....to be continued.

The writing on the wall

Here we go again. After a brief sabbatical i am ready to write again! My motivation stems from a project i have started on the walls of my room. I have decided to cover the entire room with writing. Whenever my mind is full i simply get out my pen and begin to write on the wall. i started at the top left corner of the wall. The sentences span about 3 feet before i start a new line. The letters are large but not much larger than college rule lines. The walls are off white with black ink. Its overwhelming to look at; now that i have covered a good portion of one wall. Sometimes i back away from the wall and stare at the writing without being able to read the words (it is impossible to not read a word if your looking at it in your language). It becomes a painting of sorts. The sentences become art. I quickly noticed how they are not perfectly straight. The sentences flow! I mean this literally and figuratively. As far as content goes...i write mostly about myself...understanding myself...sorting through thoughts. Some thoughts are highly negative and some are highly positive but the thing i enjoy most is tracing their origin. Why do i think this way? Where did i get this idea? Do i want to keep it? A common theme i have noticed in my life is an increase of awareness that i empower things. I determine what something means to me! Life affects me in a neutral way until i assign some sort of value to the events. The way i assign value to things is affected by about a million factors...upbringing, self-esteem, race, nationality, what happened to me in 5th grade, etc. By taking a daily journey into the Mind of Trent i have benifited greatly. I have signicantly increased my ability ease my mind when it goes off in random directions of fear and anxiety. Awareness is the key understanding the Why!! Awareness is the first step to empowering yourself!!

This is my new project. It keeps me sharp.

You cant escape yourself

I am a person. My opinion towards myself is important for my emotional well being. I can interact with myself. I speak to myself. I can be an internal encourager instead of waiting for others to validate me. They (others) play a huge role in someones self esteem but they have limited interaction with the real you. I am the only person who is with me 100% of the time. Myself and i eat together, we sleep together, we dream together, we laugh together...everything together. Why would i ever be a source of negativity to someone so close? I cant escape myself. I cant shut the door if the words i hear are destructive. I cant hang up the phone if i am being ridiculed. I am a captive audience for anything i choose to say to myself. Always. So again why would i subject myself to anything from myself that caused me to feel inadequate, stupid, devalued, anxious, afraid, or a failure? Yet i do it daily. I allow myself to carry on horrible conversations with myself. Not only causing pain and suffering for the moment but projecting it into the future, shaping my actions and altering the future in a negative way. Or maybe it just keeps me from freedom!
Don't get me wrong, there is a big difference between honesty and degradation. Honesty takes a look at a mistake and recognizes it as a mistake, but its course of action is always with hope. It positively addresses negative circumstance. Interjecting truth for its frame work to reconstruct the situation in our minds. It never fantasizes with any magnitude, it keeps things basic. It stays to the specifics of what happened offering the course of action that corresponds with the facts. It reminds us who we really are. We may or may not be proud of that fact but it encourages us to be better.
Our negativity doesn't do this. Instead it allows the mistake or destructive view to seep over into other areas of our life. It infects things that are not related at all...like our self-worth, motivation, future decisions, confidence, etc. We become what we think! Before its all over we are full of despair and insecurity because things seem hopeless. When in reality it was just a sour thought that needed to be addressed with truth.
The application here is to be a self promoter...not arrogant or over inflated...that's dishonest. Its important to encourage ourselves. We should always offer hope to any situation we find our self in, never for one minute having a negative view of it. Realistic yes...negative no. It sounds cheesy and Mr. Rogers like, but the outcome will place us directly in the path of happiness and fulfillment. Mainly because we will have the confidence and courage to attempt the things we desire and we will have the truth to handle situations accurately. Its limitless.
Many people suffer from negative views of themselves. It manifests itself on the extremes of arrogance or self loathing. It doesnt have to be that way and once someone catches the vision of being positive it become contagious.

redefined

i have noticed a reoccurring theme here lately. Redefining terms! It has been this months endeavor to try and give new meaning to old concepts. Standing up, walking behind the thought and seeing it from another angle. There is so much happening on the other side we never see...more information gives us a more true perspective. I dont think it is possible to have every angle on a matter but it only benefits us to collect as many as possible.
In the past when i have become disenfranchised with an idea i scrapped it. To my own peril sometimes. Maybe it hurt me or caused me to feel guilty so my assumption was to throw it completely away...go in the opposite direction. When maybe my frustration occurred because i was a few degrees off... not 180. I have been learning to make slight adjustments until the pieces fit instead of spinning them around hoping one might fall into place.
I have a new phrase i enjoy using too that goes in this direction..."fulfilling legitimate needs in illegitimate ways". Meaning, the needs in my life arent the culprit... it is the method i choose to use in order to meet those needs that can cause me problems. Example: need to belong...this can get ugly quick if i am compromising at every turn so people will accept me...need to work... i can slave my life away thinking my paychecks determine my self worth...and the list goes on. Every action we take has a base need as its motivation. The key is determining which actions promote health and help me toward meeting my need...and which actions are unhealthy and only appear to meet my need. And we know...we know inside what those things are but past experience confuses us, bad associations distract us (ex. associating God with church), and dishonesty with ourselves keep us from ever seeing the truth. So we suffer!! Day after day chasing the same need with the same action...complaining that we are not happy or fulfilled or content. I am learning to disect my actions. It is so benificial to slow down identify the need and compare it to the actions i am taking. Are they consistent? How long have i tried this and has it every yielded the results i want? What are some other options?!!!! WE HAVE OPTIONS!!! These are a few ways to get to the bottom of things. Once we have slowed down, identified all the players, there only remains to just be honest with the findings. If i come across more i will be sure to blog about it, but so far thats all i got.