Are you afraid?

I want to say that it seems more scary approaching a "situation" than it is experiencing the situation. Somehow no matter what it is....i am able to handle it as it is happening....its effortless because its just happening! We have a tough time with the NOW. Death is one of those "situations" that i think will work out quite nicely in the moment. There is no way to die incorrectly....we can laugh, scream, pitch a fit, smile....the whole spectrum of responses are at our disposel. We are free to die as we wish....we cannot mess it up.

I am beginning to see that it is not my body that has the opportunity to be preserved, its ideas that can pass thru the physical plane and traverse time and space without effort. My body is only a conduit for preserving ideas. I am a temporay resevoir. My struggle is imagined. The struggle is remembering.

Eyes are completly dialated, i am fully coherent...my body feels tense...I constantly remind it that it can relax. It wont believe me sometimes, so i just coax it into submission with breath.

Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.

Looking in the mirror

Last night i taught my first yoga class. For the first time in my life i hardly had any fear about such an undertaking. Being the focal point in a crowd of people has always terrified me. I can rememeber in high school giving speaches and feeling my guts twist themsleves in anxiety waiting my turn. I remember in college my mind going blank during a presentation becasue my only thought was....what are "they" thinking of me? I hope its this....i hope its that....now what was i saying? I forgot what to say...oh no, now they think i am uninteligent or weak. I have always been afraid of appearing weak (weak is not the word really but its close enough). Yet for some reason inspite of these nagging thoughts i have pushed myself to confront this fear. I think its what we are all doing. I have this nagging suspicion that everyone is in a mental struggle between fear and love. Every second that we are concious in this physical reality, we are choosing between negative and positive...fear and love.

I realized last night that others are just a reflection of my thoughts about myself. I smiled at them...they smiled back...i said encouraging words during class they said encouraging words after class. I gave my time to be physically present in the gym...they gave their time to be physically present in the gym. What i gave them, they gave it back to me. We created a flow of energy. I was not afraid to be in their gaze...to be exposed...to be looked at intimately without my knowledge (i did have two brief moments of fear jolts but they were pushed on through and not allowed to stop in my mind to rest) because i was not judging myself or my words. I was speaking what i felt, what i believe, and what i want for myself in this existence. I was only sharing what i hold dear to me. I didnt judge me harshly so they didnt judge me harshly. i am sure everyone had an opinion on my presentation style, fluency with yoga, methods, music choice...etc, but i chose all those things for myself. I could never adapt to the variety of opnions others have about me and for me....there are just to many and on too wide of a spectrum. So i have to hand select the Way i want to live with only my needs and desires in mind. I give that to myself. I am learning to give that to those around me. They irony is by doing so others are free to do the same. Judgement dies. We create a scene of openess and love towards one another. Jesus only had two commands, "Love the Lord your God with all your strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself"! We begin to love ourselves when we realize were the ones being so critical of ourself. Then, conciously, we choose to look on oursleves with compassion, kindness, and forgiveness. We let our minds be free to move, free to fail, free to learn, free to succeed, free to climb, free to fall. Once we are convinced there is no punishment we begin to create and shape our reality. Its all so terribly intertwined because we are ONE.

Redefining Miracles

What is a miracle? I am beginning to see the term with a much broader perspective. Our minds are so full of fear and nonsense, we cannot fully appreciate what it means to be alive. We have adopted our cultures opinions and bad habits. We are blindly obeying our conditioning.

I have become hyper aware that i run off electricity, my heart is fueled by a spark. My entire body compensates to best adapt me to my environment. When its cold it adjusts for me. When its hot it adjusts for me. My eyes are my windows to this reality, they are rejuvenated by my blinking, they absorb light. Light gives me confidence!

We are miracles!! We are boundless! WE ARE!!!

Can i get a witness?

i still want to get the credit! I still want you to notice me. But don't notice me. What do you notice about me? Do you like me? Do you think the words i speak are unintelligent? Are you attracted to me sexually? Emotionally? I know i am cooler than him. I am winning. I am better than you. Smarter than you. Faster than you. I win. I win. I fucking win. I die. You die. We same.

The Immune System

I was talking with my friend Micheal today about violence. I have been struggling for an opinion on the idea. Something he said brought some much needed clarification. He raised the point that violence isnt always evil. In some cases it is a balancing force. He compared it to the violence the Immune System generates when attacking a virus or bacteria. The whole day i have been thinking about this idea. The idea of war is everywhere, all the way down to the cellular level. We fight. We fight for all kinds of reason. And now i see that its the motivation behind our fighting that really justifies our actions. I guess this could open even more debate with regard to using violence. Who is justified to use such a force? Good question! I think we almost instinctually know when the force is evil or good. A general rule of thumb would be to take a look at the fruit of violence. Is the fruit benifiting all or a select few? Is the violence being used to perpetuate fear or love? Is it protecting or destroying? There are no easy answers but we must try our best to find them. I plan to continue refining my opinion with regard to violence. I hope to reach a conclusion before i turn 72. SAT NAM ;-)

Only one sin

My good friend Stephen said one day that there is only one sin...the sin of ingratitude. At first glance, it seems like there would be many many more "sins" out there. However, i think any sin you could name would have this one as its father. Our ingratitude acts as a catalyst for all manner of distortion in our minds. We assume we need more, or better, or newer somethings, but is not existence itself astounding? Today is Thanksgiving Day. There are so many things to turn our attention towards that can give us a sense of gratitude. Did you eat today? Did your eyes blink 23040 times without failure today? Gratitude is in the little things, big things, all things!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

The candyman can

"Oh keeper of the candy. You make the world sweeter and sweeter!" I was recently asked to fill in as the coveted "giver of the candy" at Eclipse where i work. Every year, all the business pass out candy and the townsfolk pass by with their children to fill bags full of candy. I wanted to call myself The Candyman, but it just sounded too petafilic. I sat on the front steps of Eclipse to monitor the candy bowl. I was just a body there to create some accountability for the youngsters. They have a tendency to not honor the honor system when it involves chocolate.

I was surprised by lots of things while i watched people attack the sugar bowl. Parents really encouraged their kids to get a few pieces...."so everyone could have some." Some kids regulated themselves, some kids grabbed as much as they could. I would tell them one handful is the limit. They complied. Then, i spoke to this little girl in spanish. Lots of spanish kids came up while i was there. I just said, "agarra quantas quieras". Grab as much as you want. She grabbed a super duper uper handful. Her mom just smiled! I felt sick. The poarch cats didnt care.

It made me think about how our desire to prolong a good feeling can create greed. Which could also be termed as fear of future lack. Greed is bilaterally dangerous.... I am always preoccupied with not having enough (discontent) and others do without because i am holding back(poverty). Not to mention i could be missing out on even cooler things but my hands are full and tight. A loose grip never slips when it comes to material possessions. The same goes for any "earthly treasure". We leave it where it falls when we die. I feel the strength of this world becoming less and less. The gravity of being a human is not nearly as heavy anymore. I fully embrace my spirit (mind). I want to give it priority in every situation. The "spirit" honors that loyalty with peace. We see through the wall of lack. We see provision everywhere when we stop thinking with fear as our guide. It's wise to store up for rainy days, but it doesnt rain every day. We imagine every tomorrow as rainy. The rain stops because the sun it out. Yet we still sit on our treasures.

I hope the little spanish girl gets the most out of her Halloween experience. That culture knows even better than ours the importance of dispersing wealth. They are almost forced to do so because of economic situations. How cool would it be if it was just a natural way of interacting with each other. I feel the times changing. i am hopeful we will strive toward this end.