Friday, March 19, 2010

Capturing our red birds

This morning i stepped outside to smoke a cigarette in the warm Alabama sun. The weather is amazing today. i was contemplating why we tend to gravitate towards thoughts that cause us pain. Thoughts of the future that cause us to feel inadequate, thoughts that remind us of what we dont have, thoughts that point out our percieved "lack". Then i saw this amazing red bird. The sun was hitting her just right to make her feathers glow a brilliant red. Her beak was a bright orange surrounded by a mysterious black face. She was sexy, dangerous, and on fire. My only thought after the inital amazment passed was "how can i capture her?" I want her!!! I want to be able to look at this bird every day of my life till i die!!
Well, i saw the answer to my first question shortly after i realized that to capture this bird would be a sin. I also fast forwarded two months when the new of the red bird wore off and it became a pet instead of a sexy, dangerous, firey bird. Our pain thoughts originate somewhere in the imbalance of desire for things to remain constant. We resist change!! Then all we can think about is the imagined saddness of loss. So we worry, buy insurance, cage birds, stratigize how to keep a woman, build monuments. Subconciously our brain has been trained to go this way and as a result we hang out in sense of discontent. Sure we fight it by staying busy, but could it be eliminated if we fought it by not resisting change? What if we welcomed change as a friend? What if we gave ourself permission to leave behind good things? One reason we dont is because we expect worse things to come from the unknown future. Why? Risk management i guess. We are afraid of the unknown, but as i look back my life is really kinda balanced. I have left behind good things only to recieve way better things, i have also left behind good things only to recieve worse things. Its about even. I tend only to remember the times when it was worse. So today i will not be contemplating a trap for the red bird. I will just enjoy the memory of being lucky enough to see it on fire this morning. Likewise, i want to start to become aware that if i am feeling discontent its probably because i am holding on too tightly to something and resisting its freedom to change.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Paul Boyd

I have a friend who is a quadropoligic. His name is Paul Boyd. He and i reciently had an adventure together. Paul has decided to go back to school, as if getting his bacholors wasnt amazing enough. He needed to take the graduate entrance exam and he needed a person to bubble in his answers. Since i turned pro-bubbler last year he gave me a call. Its always interesting hanging out with him, i never quite know what i will be getting into.
Pretty much when we are together i become his hands and feet. I feed him, i scratch his head, i dial phone numbers, i open doors, i raise the chair lift, i drive the van, i give him sips of Mt. Dew.
I like doing all that stuff because it reminds me how fortunate i am. Paul helps me savor my life. The entire day was a reminder to not waste my life. My defination of a wasted life is this....doing anything that does not bring me a sense of accomplishment! I could expound on that defination a bit but really it comes down to being intentional with my time. I get to make up what is important to me and whatever that is... i want to spent time focusing on that. Paul is the perfect example.
I watch Paul create for himself the things he wants through intention and perserverance and he cant even walk. What can i do with two strong legs and two strong arms?