Tuesday, October 7, 2008

You cant escape yourself

I am a person. My opinion towards myself is important for my emotional well being. I can interact with myself. I speak to myself. I can be an internal encourager instead of waiting for others to validate me. They (others) play a huge role in someones self esteem but they have limited interaction with the real you. I am the only person who is with me 100% of the time. Myself and i eat together, we sleep together, we dream together, we laugh together...everything together. Why would i ever be a source of negativity to someone so close? I cant escape myself. I cant shut the door if the words i hear are destructive. I cant hang up the phone if i am being ridiculed. I am a captive audience for anything i choose to say to myself. Always. So again why would i subject myself to anything from myself that caused me to feel inadequate, stupid, devalued, anxious, afraid, or a failure? Yet i do it daily. I allow myself to carry on horrible conversations with myself. Not only causing pain and suffering for the moment but projecting it into the future, shaping my actions and altering the future in a negative way. Or maybe it just keeps me from freedom!
Don't get me wrong, there is a big difference between honesty and degradation. Honesty takes a look at a mistake and recognizes it as a mistake, but its course of action is always with hope. It positively addresses negative circumstance. Interjecting truth for its frame work to reconstruct the situation in our minds. It never fantasizes with any magnitude, it keeps things basic. It stays to the specifics of what happened offering the course of action that corresponds with the facts. It reminds us who we really are. We may or may not be proud of that fact but it encourages us to be better.
Our negativity doesn't do this. Instead it allows the mistake or destructive view to seep over into other areas of our life. It infects things that are not related at all...like our self-worth, motivation, future decisions, confidence, etc. We become what we think! Before its all over we are full of despair and insecurity because things seem hopeless. When in reality it was just a sour thought that needed to be addressed with truth.
The application here is to be a self promoter...not arrogant or over inflated...that's dishonest. Its important to encourage ourselves. We should always offer hope to any situation we find our self in, never for one minute having a negative view of it. Realistic yes...negative no. It sounds cheesy and Mr. Rogers like, but the outcome will place us directly in the path of happiness and fulfillment. Mainly because we will have the confidence and courage to attempt the things we desire and we will have the truth to handle situations accurately. Its limitless.
Many people suffer from negative views of themselves. It manifests itself on the extremes of arrogance or self loathing. It doesnt have to be that way and once someone catches the vision of being positive it become contagious.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


i have noticed a reoccurring theme here lately. Redefining terms! It has been this months endeavor to try and give new meaning to old concepts. Standing up, walking behind the thought and seeing it from another angle. There is so much happening on the other side we never see...more information gives us a more true perspective. I dont think it is possible to have every angle on a matter but it only benefits us to collect as many as possible.
In the past when i have become disenfranchised with an idea i scrapped it. To my own peril sometimes. Maybe it hurt me or caused me to feel guilty so my assumption was to throw it completely away...go in the opposite direction. When maybe my frustration occurred because i was a few degrees off... not 180. I have been learning to make slight adjustments until the pieces fit instead of spinning them around hoping one might fall into place.
I have a new phrase i enjoy using too that goes in this direction..."fulfilling legitimate needs in illegitimate ways". Meaning, the needs in my life arent the culprit... it is the method i choose to use in order to meet those needs that can cause me problems. Example: need to belong...this can get ugly quick if i am compromising at every turn so people will accept me...need to work... i can slave my life away thinking my paychecks determine my self worth...and the list goes on. Every action we take has a base need as its motivation. The key is determining which actions promote health and help me toward meeting my need...and which actions are unhealthy and only appear to meet my need. And we know...we know inside what those things are but past experience confuses us, bad associations distract us (ex. associating God with church), and dishonesty with ourselves keep us from ever seeing the truth. So we suffer!! Day after day chasing the same need with the same action...complaining that we are not happy or fulfilled or content. I am learning to disect my actions. It is so benificial to slow down identify the need and compare it to the actions i am taking. Are they consistent? How long have i tried this and has it every yielded the results i want? What are some other options?!!!! WE HAVE OPTIONS!!! These are a few ways to get to the bottom of things. Once we have slowed down, identified all the players, there only remains to just be honest with the findings. If i come across more i will be sure to blog about it, but so far thats all i got.