Saturday, August 16, 2008


Yesterday i had two ideas pass thru the gauntlet of my mind. 1) Was the idea of how things change in our lives or a great way to improve our life thru change. Example...moving from sickness to health is not magic it is a matter of changing our perspective. Once we start probing deeper and deeper toward truth we move closer to the Source, at the source the answer to all our woes is present. We start tearing away the infrastructure that has supported our problem for so long and it implodes on itself. Literally the problem destroys itself. We may never address it directly. As time goes on we build an immunity to certain problems because we know the truth and live in its flow. I want to test this theory, the key is asking the right probing questions and being honest with the answers even if they are incriminating. Honesty is the only way to progress toward the source, i.e. Dieu. This point alone holds us back. Insecurity or an unhealthy value placed on comfort halts us pealing back the layers. We reach an impass! Actually there are 1.7 million things that halt the process, things that we arent even aware of. I think that's were journaling, meditation, reflection, and friends come in. They are all mirrors or releasers of truth. Stay alert, stay aware.
I wont even begin to assume i understand all this. However i have been practicing a form of this for years, but yesterday it took on a whole new dimension. And i can only guess as time goes on it will expand again. Things always do...infinitely. My goal is to expand too. Why not? 2) Was an event that happened yesterday. I went back to our old house to cut the grass b/c we are still trying to sell it. I decided to go inside and look around since we moved all the stuff out. It was completely empty except for a bed and T.V. stand. My room was empty. I opened my closet door and this flood of memories rushed over me. I saw myself opening and closing that closet over the years, putting things in taking things out, Becca hiding in there, thought i had looking in the closet, thoughts i had in the room...tears, laughter, phone conversations,anger, happiness, my life in that room flashed before my eyes. And like a tornado has swept was all empty room. All the clutter, thoughts, fears, ambitions, plans, stuff, everything was gone. At that moment i could see their collective value ($ .0000001). Maybe that is the resale value because at the time they cost me a fortune in time and thought. And its not that everything was worthless its just that there was so much wasted effort, so much extra clutter that wasnt necessary and occupied precious space. I want to focus more. I want to project a thought into the future and see if it too might get swept away. Maybe not that...maybe just hold things more loosely so that they can escape when the time is right instead of locking them up in the closet, keep such loose hands that things fall away as i walk. And when i go to check what i'm still holding on to... they are things like love , family, peace, security, generosity, kindness, and a clean pair of underwear.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Motivation on Vacation

This morning my motivation is on vacation. Honestly i am having a tough time seeing the purpose in anything. Why do anything? I don't know... all i know is if i do nothing i am doubly miserable. I think it goes back to expectation. Is the reason i don't want to do something because i am overwhelmed with my insufficiency? Am i afraid I'll short? I think I may be on to something here! Is the final goal too lofty or is the present one too lofty? I tend to replace the present one with the final one and i immediately become exhausted. It is tough to get from 0-100 if i constantly skip 27 and 28. So what is the solution...Do the next smallest thing. What is that? It is what links us to the final goal! Celebrate the small steps! Scream with joy when they are finished, buy yourself ice cream when you do one and when the day comes and the last step is made buy someone else an ice cream. daily doing something that contributes to the final goal or the day's goal.
Trent, now damn it... I want you to remember these words today. Take them to heart b/c they are purer than gold. They are the only formula you will ever need for accomplishment in anything you deem valuable. It will happen and you are convinced right now. Just remember this page when your not so convinced.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

first step

The first step is the easiest...its the 5000 small steps that follow that are the hardest. I am starting this blog at the request of my friend Andy. He challenged me to express some of the ideas he and i are so fond of talking about. Partly because they need to be shared and partly because he knows if I get too much going on in my brain I tend to go crazy. So thanks and for encouraging me out of my dangerous tendencies Andy.
He and I just recently returned from an epic road trip. The West will never be the same!! We took the month of July and visited a good number of national parks in Colorado, Arizona, Utah, Nevada, and California. I must say Yosemite was my favorite. It can surely boast of the best temperatures, breath taking views, and rewarding hikes. It is so fulfilling to hike three hours and find yourself on top of a waterfall splashing about in crystal clear pools and then lay in the sun like a turtle for a couple of hours before heading back.It is amazing the things that come up on a month long road trip. Andy says its like life in miniature...all jammed into a blip. Its also a great way to grow a friendship, but you better really be good friends or it could have the opposite effect. It is life in concentrate.
I think we covered nearly every conversation topic imaginable except for elephant breeding and lasic eye surgery. One conversation that has had an impact on me since returning home revolved around the idea of using the gifts that our Creator has given us all. Maybe the hard part is recognizing the gift, i don't know but once its obvious we have a responsibility to expose it and use it. I have another friend Josh who is an amazing singer/guitarist and i have decided for him that his gift is music. When i hear him sing, time stops and for a second i forget...i forget about my cell phone bill, i forget to worry, i forget my email password and i remember that life is in concentrate and it blazes past us in a blink or two. We all say that, but how do we show it in our lives that our time here in this world is short. I wont even try to make myself believe i am a good example of carpe diem, but i am learning that it is possible and it just takes one step. I admit the freedom scares me sometimes...i like walls even if they are imaginary...which most of them are. I love control and predictability, we all do a little. But true freedom possesses neither.
I am excited that Josh is making music consistently now and doubly excited that i am contributing what little skill i have on the mandolin to the process. So as a wise observer i am going to attempt to use a gift i think i have...thinking and analyzing. And since no one can actually get in my circus of a brain i will write it out, plus it will be my therapy. It is cheaper than a psychiatrist. Cheers to Andy and cheers to Josh. Thank you both for being great friends