Hurry up and wait

I forget to breath sometimes. I forget that things change. I forget that i will die one day. I am like a baby. I feel like i am starting all over in life. I am learning how to apply new philosophies. I am making tons of mistakes and loving it. I fail to meet my own standards sometimes, but then i am reminded that they are my standards. I can hold myself accountable how ever i wish. I am learning to create the inside of my mind. I am reclaiming lost territory. It was never really lost i just didnt believe i owned it. I am learning to be patient. There is no hurry!!!!

Humans are containers for food

Since i have been here at the beach, food has taken a new priority in my life. I find myself thinking about it more often than usual. Maybe its because i am red lining on my starving meter by the time i get home from work, but more than likely its because i am cooking for myself instead of momma's home cooking. Either way, food is on my mind. This new preoccupation of mine has inspired me to look for new reciepies. I have been recieving daily cullinary lessons from my friends at work. Billy the Kid, a supervisor, is a crock pot expert. I am actually cooking a Billy dish tonight...sweet potatoes and pork tender loin. He also gave me this ''mango tango salmon'' recipe that will forever be one of my favorite dishes.

Food is so vital. Food represents so much to us human or any animal for that matter. We truly are what we eat. We are what we drink. We are what we read. We are what we speak. We are what we think!!!! That last one, i feel, is the most true out of all those. Our minds are a virtual world that we create. We , knowingly or unknowingly, are shaping every aspect of our lives. We are artists painting the picture that we want to see. Do you like your picture? No? Change it. Yes? Share it.

Oil Spill

So i find myself on another adventure! Josh and i decided to head south to Gulf Shores, Alabama to work on the BP oil spill. We are offically a month into our job and loving it. Its such a crazy scene here. BP has hired private contractors to clean up the oil that is gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I work for one of those contractors. We work 7 days a week 12 hours a day. I have never in my life attempted to work that much. As a result, i have a little cash now. The job pays great and keeps me so busy i cant spend any money!! I was recently made a supervisor over a small crew of about 30 men and women. All i can say is, its not easy to lead people yet there are things that make it way easier.

I have learned the ego is a huge factor when trying to motivate someone. There is a sense of insecurity already there just because you hold a position "higher" than your employees. There is resentment, there is jealousy, there is fear, and each one of those "problems" needs to be addressed with humility as a leader. I have learned so much from this position.

I am not sure what i will do next. We have talked about going to mexico, south florida, but really anywhere on this planet is ok with me. Its all an adventure.

Pleasure, Pain, and all things in between

Andy, Ryan, and i completed our fourth annual "Awareness Walk" from Montevallo to Birmingham yesterday. I think we figured it is about 45 miles in all. Today i feel every one of those miles in my legs. I must admit we started out slow and apprehensive; getting up at 4:30 is a challenge but as the day progressed we gathered momentum. We even ran the last few miles (paying for that one though). In total it took us somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 hours.
This is the first trip we were intentional about doccumenting. We took turns with the video and pictures, but andy for sure carried the lions share of the work.
This trip was probably the best so far. We spent a good bit of time speaking to people. One thing we did was to ask people random questions, nothing serious, just random questions. We got some great answers!! We drank beer under bridges, we invented stories about people we saw on political signs (April Weaver), we went to three differnt Publix to get food and wine, we swam naked in a lake by the mall, we all got blisters, we got drunk under Vulcan, we found some cool trash (panties, cd's, swim goggles, gloves). We got hollared at several times. Someone called us "hippy fags" others said "you guys are soooooo cool". We all hit a wall of pain and kept pushing till the end. We encouraged one another. We lived a full day doing exactly what we wanted!!!!! We lived a full day!!! We lived!!!
We forget how simple life can be, how beautiful the details are, and how there is no pressure on us except what we create! I look back on this trip and i feel a sense of accomplishment. I can see how the power of intention (not expectation) can bring about the amazing things we each desire. I think i am going to go rest my blisters now!!!

These last two dollars...i'm not gonna lose!!

Well I am writting this blury eyed having just got back from an all night casino trip in mississippi at Silver Star Resort. Woah!! It was a surreal experience from the moment i stepped on to the bus in piggly wiggly parking lot. Our bus driver was Curtis...a thick black man with a gold front tooth that liked to let the ash on his cigarette get 4 inches long before flicking it...i kept thinking it was gonna land in his coffee. I was sitting in the back of the bus with my pops and soon we began to have a reverse Rosa Parks moment. As we started picking people up i noticed a certian trend happening...it was all black women between 50-60 getting on. I started imagening myself in a Tyler Perry movie. We killed the 3 hour ride by getting drunk off New Castle and Tangueray gin. This heavy set black lady just handed me the bottle and said " Get u sum baby"! I was buzzing hard core when we got there.
The Choctaw Indian reservation in Philidelphia mississippi changed my life (I guess anything can change your life if you are paying attention to how it affects you). We got there and started playing our 45 dollars of "free money". Pretty much lost it in about thirty minutes. I never understood what the machine was doing. Pops hits the roulette table and Tom and I head to the black jack table. I wiggled in between a black dude that looked like he was on meth and an italian dude making some big bets. I handed the lady a fifty and she handed me the equivilent in $5 chips. I was on my way. Things were going well... at one point my stack was about 8 inches tall but i dont know how much money that was cause Tom said dont count your money at the table....you'll get apprehensive. Well things shifted quickly....the dealer began taking my money...i almost suggested that she start taking bites out of my arm instead of the $10 minimum i was tossing out each time. Seems like that would have hurt less. The rest of the night continued in that pattern for me. I made it home with no loss of blood but my bank account is gonna need a transfusion.
Observations:
over half the staff was indian (and over weight)
the majority of the people there looked desperate
the majority of the people were over 50
i associate myself with my money...it really felt like i lost value as i lost money
dont get drunk then gamble--gamble....win....then get drunk
dont bring a debit card
leave expectation at home

One consciousness

I was talking with some friends last night about dreams....it was so interesting to hear how we all dreamed similarly. We talked about alarm clocks finding there way into our dreams and becoming vacuum cleaners or huge bells that some kids were pulling the rope on. Then we talked about peeing in our beds because we imagined being at the toilet. Then the realization hit us how connected we all are...we all saw the connection...it was like we were the same consciousness experiencing the same dream. I felt a huge sense of peace as we came to the realization and it only increased as i considered what it means. I do believe we share a common consciousness...our egos tell us that we are separate and we must fight to secure our importance in this life...but our dreams betray our ego....they tell us that we are One. As i encountered people the rest of the night i couldn't help but think that really "they" are "me"...."i" am "them". I felt judgement melt off of my shoulders...judging someone was judging myself. I saw insecurity scurry under a table...how can you feel insecure when see yourself as One....there is no one to compare yourself to. I felt kindness become my main emotion. This human experience is an illusion....we are only separate from each other in form, not consciousness. This illusion of separation causes us stress, anxiety, and fear...causes us to judge each other...fight for the best position...think too much, worry too much, ....all that disappears when we see that we are One. Its not magic its awareness...consciousness becoming conscious of itself.

Nameless

Let go of my ego!! i loved those waffle comercials (eggo waffles). For real though...let go of my ego. i have been attempting here lately to distinguish in my mind what exactly is an ego. I must admit its not the easiest thing in the world to identify because we are so mingled with it. I am learning that there is freedom from thought (ego) by being present and still. I am learning that thinking is a biological process like breathing and pumping blood, my lungs breath because that is there job, my heart pumps blood because that is its job, my mind thinks because that is its job. I am not my thoughts. i am seperate from this body, yet i am this body. My sense of controlling this body is imaginary, yet real. Any value i associate with this body is ego based. There is no value on something that is invaluable. I am part of everything. i am an extension of the Source, the nameless entity that makes up everything!!!