Jacksonville

I am in Jacksonville FL tonight. Its a scorching 72 degrees. Its so nice compared to the cold back home in Montevallo. I am a warm blooded creature. In the heat, I thrive like Alabama kudzu. I am here on business. I like using that phrase. It sounds more sophisticated than i feel, but its sort of true. I am working for ESPN as a utility. I am an assistant to everyone. We pull cables, set up cameras, gawk at the cheerleaders, and try to look as busy as possible when "the man" comes around. Its a great job and i am thankful for the work.
This particular assignment has been all new to me. This is the first time i have traveled this far with the job. I have also had the pleasure of being accompanied by three very different guys. Each one has brought a unique contribution to this trip. I have changed their names for their privacy. There is our fearless driver, Bob Sims. He is like a jetti warrior cruising down the highway zapping State Troopers with his laser guided radar detector. Basically he's Chuck Norris with a slightly darker skin tone. Then there is Rev. Richard "Dick" Calebs. He keeps us on the straight and narrow but also keeps the ladies looking our way. I think he emits natural pheromones,that once airborne, attract the female species in the surrounding area. A new acquaintance for me is Brock Peterson. He keeps things light hearted and also has these really cool x-ray glasses that we have used,on numerous occasions, to stare at the breast of women. That last part about the glasses is only half true...we stare at their asses!!!
The trip has been good. We worked hard today, we all just finished murdering some KFC and I am submitting one more blog to the universe before this year is done. I forgot to mention i am welcoming another year in with these fellows. Its kind of symbolic of how i want to live out this year....embracing diversity and staring at more asses. What more could you strive for? I have no idea what 2011 will bring. It already looks cool with those double 1's. I expect it will posses similar qualities as its older brother 2010, but i am learning that i have a lot to do with shaping my time here and i plan on making this a year of exploration. I want to push myself a little more to confront fear and old habitual thought. I want to see the impact of living life without regret and aggressively pursuing the goals that I set.
I can't really say this is my new years resolution because i have spent the better part of this year working on these ideals. I'm just clarifying in my own mind the work to be done. I am off to bed now, my new years kiss is waiting for me. I hope Brock shaved!!

Have you tried it yet?

Have you tried it yet?
Umm not yet, but i did read a book about it.
Have you tried it yet?
It just looks so hard, i dont think i can
Have you tried it yet?
Well i watched a documentary about it and i felt really inspired.
Have you tried it yet?
If i can get all this other stuff done, i will.
Have you tried it yet?
Maybe i am not cut out for this.
Have you tried it yet?
I think i would get bored fast.
Have you tried it yet?
So few people are doing it, am i special?
Have you tried it yet?
I dont have any money.
Have you tried it yet?
I am too old
Have you tried it yet?
It will take too long to finish.
Have you tried it yet?
No i havent tried it YET. I am afraid

Because you can

Young man stay out of the future. It is an illusion. Do you see these wrinkles? Do you? I picked them up one day at a time! Am i afraid to be this old you ask? No. Not at all. I am here. Just like you are there. Stop fighting yourself. Learn to control your mind so it does not sabotage your Now. How long will it take for you to stop fighting? Well to you it seems like a long time because right now you are imagining a future where you have stopped but you know that on a day to day basis its tough...its only tough because you have practiced so so little. Your skipping ahead and you are forgetting about the chain of present moments that have to link together to get you there. Anywhere! Its all in the Now friend. The future is constantly changing and there are opportunities that are aligning themselves for you without your direct contact. You cant imagine how you are lining up things with your thoughts. Your thoughts manifest the reality that you create. Thoughts make things real. What are your thoughts about? Are you aware that you are manifesting your reality (good or bad) with your thoughts? You are son. You think the term..."nothing is impossible"....is smoke up your ass? Well so do most people that's why they feel stuck. Do you want to join the chorus of voices that are complaining about being helpless? You are not helpless. If you can think it, it can happen. Live son! Be alive each day, in that day, in that hour, in that second....because you can!

Release

What is this place?

You call it earth, with a serious face

And with serious faces we feel we know

We know, we want to know, we can know

Knowing brings no relief.

But its not about knowing.

Its about "being".

We are!

The neurotic mind can rest.

Because at our best, we are.

Chase another rabbit down its hole

Go deep and try to break the circle.

Let the tears flow, breezes blow and fireflies glow

Your hands are full only when you let go.

Grind your teeth or your woman

Both are one, one are both.

You may have inherited the fight,

but its yours now to do as you please

Practice please, for my sake,

practice release

Life

Navigation through my thoughts is a challenge.

Its like wandering through the countryside.

There is a forest.

I become tangled in dense brush.

I calmly walk through clear fields.

I cross rivers.

I climb mountains.

I fall asleep under a moonless sky.

The sun comes out and warms me.

I am hungry.

Walking satisfies me.

Walking annoys me.

Where am i headed?

Why am i headed there?

I know where i am going.

I don't know where i am going.

Today i am weak.

Today i am strong.

Tomorrow i die.

We're here until we're not

We are here until we are not. We spend so much time trying to contort, control, predict, prevent, avoid situations in life. We spend time imagining futures in which we are maximizing our happiness. We are so focused on future happiness that present happiness is forfeited for lack of space in the brain. Happiness isn't our only concern. We think about future security, food, housing, health, money, sex, future everything. We live in the future. We gloss over the fact that "this moment" is full. We are sitting in the luxury of the richest nation in the world and our minds are wondering about in the slums of future negative thoughts. Or maybe we are imagining how we can add more to a life already full of excess.

Regardless of our motivation for future imaginations we cannot change the fact that we are here until we're not. Everything that happens while we are here is the "here" part...its all one thing. Every moment (seemingly good and bad) has its merit. Life should be savored because the "not" will bring about a change that will no longer allow us to process this life in the same way. Everything that is on the "not" side is a whole new adventure. Why not be here until we are not here? Fear keeps us from being here. Fear keeps us in the future, micromanaging every aspect of our life to keep us away from the "not". I don't believe in the elimination of fear, but i do believe we can become so familiar with our fear, so intimate with it, that it loses its power. This intimacy with our fear keeps us in the present. It allows us to be here.

Its all there

It is possible to be free from the confines of our mental conditioning.

It is possible to be at peace.

It's possible to feel confident about every aspect of life...every endeavour, every unknown, every mystery.

It's possible to speak to your mind the thoughts you want to think.

It's possible to possess a mastery over fear.

It's possible to become so intimate with your fears that they no longer burden your mind.

It's possible to lose attachment to the ego.

It's possible to fly with thought.

You might be thinking...yes i agree its possible, but how likely is it that i will experience those things? They are already yours. They only reason they don't "feel" like they are yours is because you haven't introduced yourself. Go ahead introduce yourself. Say hello! Make the first step in cultivating a vibrant relationship with peace. Build on that foundation until you are making love with peace. It's all there!!! It is work, practice, and sweat but it is all there, avaliable to anyone who stumbles across it.

Its all in the details

I had an epiphany about writing yesterday. I put it on an index card on my desk for inspiration. Here is the idea...

"When writing, put in obnoxious amount of detail because someone else is being invited into your mind, they can only "see" what you "write" so if you want to give them the most accurate picture possible it has to involve lots of detail. Even though the detail may seem trite for you it may not be so for the other person reading your thoughts. They cannot see the whole picture like you can, they only see what you give them."

This idea applies to verbal communication too,but with a twist. People can only respond to the information you are giving them. If its inaccurate or misleading rest assured their response will not be the one you are looking for. I truly believe almost all relationship problems are a result of one or both persons not being honest with their communication, whether or not they are conscious to that fact or not.

When either writing or talking be aware of the fact that someone else cannot see what is in your mind. You have exclusive access to information they do not have. They can only experience what you allow them to experience. This is very powerful!!

You are on my mind

I walk through the door, to catch your eye
You smile at me, I dont ask why
There's a fire inside, burning deep
I'm wide awake, i forgot to sleep

Cause you are on my mind
you are on my mind

Thoughts tell lies that my hands dont feel
What i was told was never real
Its another day in a dreamers delight
We know how to love and we love tonight

Cause you are on my mind
You are on my mind

You raised your glass and looked at me
I tried not to notice...i could'nt breath
Words came to mind but fell on the ground
I tried to pick them up but they couldnt be found

Cause you are on my mind.

Ouch!

Elusive thoughts. I caught a thought in my hand and while i wasn't quite strong enough to make it stop wiggling, i at least held it in my attention. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, its violent thrash caught me off guard and i dropped it. I scurried around in search of it; afraid of the damage it would do...but then i began to breath slowly....it slowed down...our breaths were linked... i convinced it to stop right in front of me. I picked it up again. It resisted my touch much like cold doctor hands at a checkup, but eventually it relaxed. My anxiety was its anxiety, my fear was its fear. As i held the thought in my hand i examined its body and noticed all the jagged spikes of insecurity, razor sharp teeth of doubt, and bulging muscles of frustration. I could see how this tiny creature causes so much pain...then i gently began to stroke its back and to my astonishment the spikes began to flake off revealing an iridescent skin. The more i rubbed the more mirror like its skin became to the point i could see my face. I saw myself in the thought and started smiling knowing now that it was me the whole time. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath, opened them, and i was staring at my empty palms offering up some invisible gift. The thought was gone.

sunflower

Time stood on end and spun in delight as he watched her body undulate to the rhythmic motions of his hand. Her body so firm, so delicate, so strong was bathed in a soft sunflower light. A light that managed to witness the secrets unfolding. All traditions were ignored as they yielded themselves to the beauty of being human, a reunification with their animal. Words were spoken but the two preferred to communicate with other senses...touch...taste...sight...what a sight she was....essence of woman. They say youth is wasted on the young, but these two savored every drop of vitality that is afforded to those who still see with sharp eyes. Every curve held promises of pleasure as he released himself to that unexplainable desire. She exposed the deep reservoirs of lust inside of him, she put a hummingbird in his chest for a moment, then calm. Tucked away in the warmth of her skin he settled down. Oxygen never felt so good.